Frock Chick

I struggle to explain how I can tell I have fatigue versus being tired.

It does physically feel like pressure. But I think that veers a bit close to what is said is experienced in high anxiety.

It’s not the same.

This is more like standing chest high in water and trying to breathe. It’s not pressure on the chest, but the feeling of being pushed in all directions, and no matter how deeply you breathe it feels like air is being pushed out. And sometimes that does actually happen.

Much like in water limbs feel strangely supported and heavy at the same time.

Today the carpal tunnel injections have proven their worth 🙂 If I can do this one or two more times before I have to have surgery I’ll be happy. Sounds like I need my ulna’s chopped off sooner, but, maybe?

Also I may have gone through 1/4 of my Hot Cinnamon Sunset tea. Now if I could get a perma-stash of that I’d be happy 😉

Okay so putting fabric away up high just made my radial stuff really make a statement but I am just wandering around with bandages around my wrists not full splints 🙂

But I have cut my Cleves skirt fully, an entirely new kirtle bodice (hey Michaela it’s summer, you do not want linen canvas, cotton twill, and silk underneath those layers for the bodice) from my linen twill.

Just took a break to share this. I usually work with non easy to photograph fabric so this is why I’m sharing now! I usually use a mechanical pencil and draw directly under the pins that emerge from the top but I just had chalk out there today.

Using pins to transfer newly fitted seam lines. I was never taught this and it is so instinctive I forget to record. I don’t usually do this on such pristine fabric but this will get heavily washed!

A video posted by Michaela de Bruce (@neimhaille) on Jan 11, 2017 at 9:12pm PST

Also yes, florist pins. They grip better and I can really pull in my seams to fit properly. It’s easy to see how, I also overlap them to work like boning/support.

Chapter 3, Dark Reunions

Vaylin launches an attack on The Gravestone sending Koth into hiding and the ship guarded internally by Skytrooper Droids.

I have to admit I love that they are droids. As a kid I used to think TKs were droids. I mean they just got trashed and I didn’t understand that people could do that to so many other people. Innocence of youth yes? I still avoid mobs in games where I can. Stay on target, do no more harm than you need too. Sure it helps me avoid hand stress as well 🙂

The fact that they are droids I hope will be addressed in future chapters, as of writing I’m not yet finished, but I know enough story to have Ideas(tm) about what this should mean.

So the next step is for the Commander to get the Gravestone back, Vaylin and SCORPIO are on board.

One of the first missions cause me a lot of frustration hands wise. It’s another mission where you pilot a vehicle, well mini-vehicle, and so have restricted abilities/movement (the camera zoom changes when you change size be it larger or smaller- and it can automatically move in/out due to what the environment is like directly behind you.) This time you pilot a mouse droid.

A concept I adored. I loved loved loved the idea as the mouse droids in the OT do great focus pulling and I love their reactions.

Unfortunately I do not have any screencaps of this mission. However another blog does:

http://fibrojedi.me.uk/swtor-kotet/dark-reunions-chapter-3/

On the frustrating side I found the Skytroopers were not just triggered by the mouse droid in the area suggested, but behind them as well nor did it feel like the electric shock actually had a range of 3m. This may be in part down to my lag due to my wifi connection and the cast time (it’s 11 months until we get fibre- most of the suburb has it just not where I am!)

The video in the link above shows there is however a clear path where you can avoid the Skytroopers and I even managed to avoid needing the ability at all! So the only real issue for me to replay now  is how the camera zooms in and out, I found it a bit painful (physically) to manage my mousing and keyboard. But ultimately this is a case where there is the option to evade! Woot!

This is also the chapter where we see the full effects of Vaylin’s training, as seen in the trailer, as we confront her soon after.

It’s a difficult story, especially if you have experienced anything remotely close in reality-being manipulated at any age, but especially in formative years- I appreciate that later I can call Valkorion out on what is revealed. On a personal level I never wanted to use this against Vaylin, for everyone’s safety? That was tricky. It challenged my values and I do really appreciate that. I may not even like what I chose. But choose I did.

The next mission step was also physically trying.

In order to stop the Gravestone and the alliance ships outside, you have to destroy power Cells against a timer. Usually timers are quite long, enough to not only do the mission but to figure out how to do the mission. This time there was less wiggle room.

As per a previous post my tendons are all a bit borked. This mission pushed them to the point I had to quit. Well this and the mouse droid combined.

What made it hard was how dark the environment was and not being able to environmental hazards to trip on/get caught on. I did manage on my third try. I have recently reset my monitor (AoC) and I may have to adjust graphics again. But it’s not possible to do so during a countdown 😉

The blogger linked above also had the same physical pain, and difficulty on this mission. I’m glad to hear you can do this one grouped. That is an option that is not always available to me, but at least I know I can ask a friend to help on their account at some stage 🙂 The timer doesn’t start until you go into the corridor so this should mean being able to be AFK and go back to the area start.

The end of this story though? Chills! And vindication for my interest in SCORPIO’s story.

“The Gravestone wants to go home.” SCORPIO basically is very much not acting just out of self. She freed the GEMINI, gave them autonomy. They are ancient, and understanding how they came to be controlled should be something the Commander of the Alliance should want to understand too.

History repeats after all.

Chicken walker funtimes.

I will be spoilering, but also talking about the new game play and how it affects my ability to play. I love challenges. But there are some things that are very much locked out or create a different kind of tension than the rush of tackling a challenge 🙂

Chapter 1: Wrath and Ruin (link to another spoonie gamer blog)

First up, the story was amazing, sad, but  built on that long term play and so that connection to Voss and the people and what was happening in real time in the story. I was invested from the start.

We arrive on Voss to see it burning.

You start with limited abilities, as was the case with KotFE, but the actual difficulty of this area is scaled well in story mode to have a fairly short run through. This also is a chance to check how your UI matches up with intended rotations. I have my UI so I have the best view of the area including spotting mobs- the minimap does show them but this helps with immersion.

Okay so I wasn’t paying full attention so the remote mines, which are named mines, got me once. I do choose to scale my UI down so as to view everything so that is on me. They are on the map and they do have nameplates. The area is also relatively free of obstructions which makes running around to target them possible. My fingers make this kind of zipping around difficult, so I appreciate when the environment doesn’t get in the way!

At this point if you haven’t already been aware, the Voss we knew is in the middle of being destroyed. The planet. So

Right in the feels.

Board the Storm Rider

Reach the Shrine of Healing

Defeat the Zakuul Walker

“No. Pilgrimage path is the only way.”

This was the first point where I had difficulty. Well that makes it seem like a purely skill issue. But a hint, the above is technically true but you can avoid some mobs by getting creative with your path. Not all but some. The trick there is of course some mobs may be scattered in ways that make it harder to gather them all with your new ability.

In this part of the mission you operate a walker and you have limited abilities. No healing- and the repair stations are in regions where mobs can still target you. Once you take damage it stays. You can be targeted while in the repair stations also.

When defeated you go back to the start area. Fortunately the mobs you did defeat don’t appear and over time you can clear the map if you are in the same situation. I am not sure how long you can be AFK to rest hands, I know in KotFE there were times I was sent a heck of a long way back in a map. So it’s not something I want to test.

The area is not very large so this repeat play was at least possible to work around. It took a bit of extra time, was frustrating but I had a reasonable idea of the time that could be involved and was able to balance my time playing vs time away from the keyboard.

From here it’s mostly normal gameplay, some click this to get that, some mobs.

Though the story did get very intense. At this point I was spoiler free and was just hoping and hoping and hoping …. I did a little spoiler hunting to see if there was a possibility of what I hoped would happen.

And Valkorion is still messing with your head.

By using the truth.

And SCORPIO seems to be doing something I suspected. I knew she was not Vaylin’s lackey and that she was following her own story. What I did appreciate is how important her story is. Any feelings of being betrayed pale when you realise what she is trying to do.

or delayed spring cleaning, I decided that as I have too many obsessive projects on the go I needed to just tidy up my workspaces as well as get rid of projects I no longer think I can finish.

It’s very warm right now and my health has suffered so much this year that I am also taking the time to tidy other parts of my life.

So I have a lovely sipper cup to drink water from as well as green tea, staying hydrated has been a fine balancing act.

And I have also installed Mint on my netbook. It actually runs again! It was sluggish with Win10 but the anniversary edition broke it. Blue screen of death within 1/2 hour of use. Updating plugins and codecs took a while but wow. I also had to fix the wifi settings but that was a really easy fix (setting “ignore” for something I don’t think I have a choice in 🙂 Most of the suggestions included coding and just not right now. I can do it but prefer to not!)

And I’ll soon have a nifty controller! I’m getting a console for Christmas/Birthday!!! The hype is real. My hands are going to need more care than ever in the next few years so this is a big step. I can save up for extra space (SSDs only from now on, seriously) and a vertical mouse. Now those are pricey! All options for accessibility are. But this way I can save 🙂

Over the last few days I have been quiet here as I have been a bit busy and tired in what feels like equal proportions! It’s been skewed more to tired, strangely enough. Though I have four events and two hospital daystays in the next month so yes still to being busy. All charity events btw. Tis the season!

My Elsa cape is ready to press- this time I get to avoid side seams! But it does mean being very very careful indeed with not stretching the fabric out as I press. Also it seems heat changes the blue tone and shifts it slightly to a more neutral than purple tint!

Did a display this weekend and got to see inspiration bloom in the eyes of a few people who had only really seen characters in film/tv/games and getting to be hands on with the materials was just the start of what could be a long interest.

Also spent the last two days wrapping my head around a costume that I should have seen before but this year has been very… well not much has panned out well and my goals have mostly shifted and so I’m playing catch up.

I found the maker of said costume and the final pieces of the puzzle fit so I sent a thank you email as I have not been this inspired in ages.I would say obsessed, but yeah it is really firing up some grey matter that really needed a bit of a prod! So my next year is definitely filled with projects and inspiration!

Trying to find a maker of a particular garment in a film can be a challenge. Unfortunately google is fast becoming a tool only to buy ready made gear or is flooded with pinterest links (usually not the main pin either but one of what may be hundreds of linked pins!) So it was a bit of effort. I know my own site is starting to fall again in hits from sites WP recognises so it means very soon I’ll be trying to do some rearranging of my site to make it even easier to navigate and find information. I mainly want to tweak the search php file to display full posts not previews- for some reason images don’t appear in previews which makes it less useful.

And finally I have been a bit busy trying to find quality of life options to be able to continue to use my computer and in doing so have been joining up with accessibility social networks and trying to get ideas on how to really make my site more accessible. I am not sure what the overlap is for my site, but it’s not like I’m the only person who is looking for costume information and having accessibility issues 🙂 So I may not be able to do much to the huge number of blog entries but I can try to make my thumbnails have alt text and use the footer for page lists/menus in case my menu is not easy to navigate with specialist browsers or devices.

I’ll be looking for specific requests for img alt text, and will get it checked by sites that offer to look for issues.

I do very much try to avoid having ads, or anything other than the information right there. I know some readers get stuck in certain kinds of layouts. Especially pop up ads or content off site in general.

I am pretty open about what conventional and alternative therapies I use and how they impact my life- sorry in repairing my blog this year I have also lost a number of tags so will go back and tag all my health posts in the near future.

But I do also make daily care decisions so thought I’d sahre some.

Shower: Regardless of the time of day this is my first real therapy. The heat from the shower is so important to me moving I cannot even begin to express how lucky I feel to have this nearly every day. We are on a low rate so we get a lot of days where our cyclinder is disconnected during peak peariods and that has a pretty profound impact on how I can manage for the day.

For my disease and how it works in me applied heat offers immediate benefit. I am not sure why, you’d think it was too similar to inflammation to work, but I suspect it opens up the tiniest blood vessels to help with circulating the build up of immune debris. Many find ice helps, and I suspect it’s because it slows down migration of immune cells into the area, so that is a really interesting contrast in physiological reactions!

My shower is the time where I can brush my teeth and wash my face very easily, and I do both towards the end of my shower- it takes a while for my hands to warm up enough to do this and yes, laws of physics apply and there is a fairly rapid cooling off of extremities once the shower is over!

But it’s also a chance for my spine and ribs to also get mobile and that helps make breathing easier.

Food: Ah. Most people offer a lot of advice on diet, for me there is no difference in my disease activity based on diet. I have no real allergies or intolerances except some annoying reactions to acidic food or sticky starches.

I have friends with both allergies and intolerances and I do not share any overlap of symptoms. I am very lucky to have lactase persistance as milk is amazing for helping with the possible/maybe Sjogrens that often accompanies RA. I can start the day with a milky drink and not you know, choke on my medication or food 😉

I do try to stick to food that has not been heavily processed. I am though very lucky to live where I do that I can have this option.

I do also try to get protein- B12 is a big issue for me it gets depleted very quickly, totally disease related as well as medication. I used to be vegetarian (zero iron or B12 issues at the time) and last year started reintroducing meat. I cannot tolerate red meat- I notice health issues fairly rapidly, so I have found a balance. I have a lot of salmon, and I occasionally have sardines. I am not sure if it is benefiting my joints but I haven’t really had an issues with iron or B12 so there is a very definite health benefit there. I try and find the options with least environmental impact and I am very lucky again that this option is there.

Ergonomic factors: I have a super lightweight mouse for my computer. It’s a cheapie and I have cleaned it out a few times but it only has an impact in terms of clicking. I have my desk as a height where I can rest my arms on it and I generally type sideways and with frequent breaks even while in the middle of a sentence. I rely on error detecting in different apps and am really happy that Chrome offers spelling options. I prefer that to auto correct so I can learn what errors I regularly do so I can try and avoid them.

I like to sit with my knees pressure free so this means I will put cushions on seats and I rarely sit on the sofa. This means I’m usually sitting upright or in bed or standing so it can be a bit of a challenge energy wise. I find myself having to switch righ on or right off. So that is an area I’d like to explore.

There are more, so I may try and think of a few.

Oh mugs! Ugh, I have a lot of trouble holding mugs so I really love my tiny little plastic tumbler that works for hot and cold drinks. On the flipside the heat from hot drinks in ceramic mugs on my fingers is wonderful!

I realise that I write about my health a lot, but my disease has such a misleading name, and has caused confusion for patients with RA and with OA that I think I need to try and clarify just why I am on drugs used in Chemotherapy and to treat disease people think of as totally unrelated. Other inflammatory diseases that cause joint inflammation as a symptom are also covered by Rheumatologists so it can be very confusing, and very worrying to patients who do not have these diseases t be treated by the same specialist!

I have Rheumatoid Disease. My disease is a systemic one, all starting with  my immune system being derailed and turned against a tissue that is very common in the body: synovium. This not just in the joint spaces but around tendons.But it also can be active in other tissues.

Most of these are a direct result of the one disease process, so they all respond to a greater or lesser degree with the Disease Modifying drugs used to control inflammatory diseases.

http://www.arthritis.org/about-arthritis/types/rheumatoid-arthritis/articles/rhemuatoid-arthritis-affects-body.php

(I have tried to summarise a bit so I do recommend reading this page in full)

Skin

Nodules- (I have these- seem to be devolping more) The same pathology as in the joints, about 50% of patients develop them  Can be controlled by some DMARDs

Vasculitis- (I may have a spot of this, would need to get it confirmed) one of those diseases I mentioned above! Inflammation of blood vessels

Ulcers– (mine were caused my Methotrexate) again with the immune system directing this disease process you have cells being killed and bacteria can take advantage of wounds

Bones

Thinning- (yes, I get infusions every 18 months for this, also Vit D, and I keep up calcium in my diet) Not just at active sites but throughout the body. Goodbye stable teeth, hello gumloss. Steroids speed this up, but can control the disease systemically as well. Exercise can slow and speed this process up! It’s a difficult balance.

Eyes

Scleritis- (probably not)-weirdly scleral lenses can potentially help treat this.

Dryness- (yes, I use very viscous eyedrops) RA can lead to other autoimune disorders, Sjogren’s is one.

Mouth

Dryness- (very much so, I stay very hydrated and drink a lot of milk and sour drinks to stimulate saliva)- again could be Sjogren’s. I also have terrible oesophageal dryness and I can have terrifying moments of my food getting stuck and the spasms that follow. Mouth hygiene is super important- finding a balance between brushing enough and toomuch can be difficul

Lungs

Inflammation and scarring.(maybe?) Up to 80% of patients.

Rheumatoid Nodules. (would never know) Same as those in the skin.

Heart and Blood Vessels

Atherosclerosis- (no, but this is part of my health that is helped by diet and exercise, but again by my medication) the disease can cause inflammation of endothelial cells, this can cause more absoption of cholesterol!

Heart attack and stroke- (ditto, again, lower the risks through what I can control) One study shows 60% increase in risk after one year of disease.

Pericarditis- (I don’t think so.) Again, the disease can cause inflammation outside the joints and this includes the pericardium!

Blood

Anemia- (my biggest ongoing issue, getting enough iron but not too much) Inflammation uses iron and in RA this process also causes another system check, which is to store iron in the joints so that it can’t be used. It is the body trying to damp down the inflammation.

Blood clots- Inflammation can cause an increase in platelets.

Felty syndrome. Very rare, but real risk of developing lymphoma-

Nervous System

Pinched or compressed nerves– (yes! I am dropping and throwing things every day now) With joint swelling and deformations this can happen. It’s not a direct result of the disease on nerves through!

It’s not that these can happen, it’s how frequently they occur and how to treat them.

This is why I am vigilant about any health weirdness and why I get very frustrated when my disease is dismissed as a personality type (still happens, and may be why I have trust issues with switching medical specialists) and as not really that serious!