pain

[glittersweet]

I’ve been trying to accept that the stress right now has a direct impact on what I can do. I had a few days where I could Do and it was great.

The problem is that stretches between good days is getting longer. While not as full of days where the kind of pain I experience requires a warning (no really, it’s like being in a horror) it is now harder to treat.

What that means is that any progress I make in good days can be undone in days between. I can ruin progress, but I also have to repeat steps in future good days that I have done in previous good days.

I’m not sure if that makes sense. If I can only sew a single seam in a day I still have to prepare for that. So the fabric may need pressing, the sewing machine threaded, or my thread and tools tidied.

I am now in a bit of a loop of more effort spent on readiness and tidying than on progress. To the point I’m also in that habit and defaulting to it as a kind of calming therapy, but not very well.

I can’t even figure out ways to leave notes for myself. But I think I might even have sorted that out.

For now I need to recognise that while I am struggling to even write notes I have actually done a lot for my two big projects. That projects on hold are taking much longer to get back to, but they are happening.